To you Mommy’s

You’ve gone through some tough times. Waking up at ungodly hours of the night. Changed diapers you thought HAZMAT should have been called for. Had to clean up a cut or scrape. Cleaned a destroyed kitchen after cooking for hours. Organize clothes, shoes and toys in almost every room of the house. Entertained until you thought you were going to pull all of your hair out.

Some of you Mom’s have had to dry tears. You might have had to lend an ear to a broken hearted child. Held a hand while at the doctor. Packed a lunch or given lunch money on that first day of school. Cried and taken more pictures than you could ever count as they walked across that stage for graduation. Screamed and shouted with excitement as they saluted the flag ending their graduation from Military Basic Training. Been escorted to the front row of seats for the wedding.

Our job description is a long one. It was stated in a recent study that being a single parent was the hardest job. We don’t get a break. We are both mom and dad 24/7 without pay, no vacation, no hazard duty pay, no sick days, can’t be late, and we can’t quit or be fired. We are their world. We are their everything. Our kids look up to us for everything and they pick up on things. They know when we are upset.

Remember when you were upset and sad. A tear slid down your cheek and a gentle hand touched your arm and in a soft voice, “Mommy? Why are you crying?” Remember those little arms wrapping around your neck as they hugged you tightly because you were sad? Remember those random little kisses you would get? Remember when they tugged at your leg because they wanted you to pick them up? Remember how they wanted to sit in your lap?

You have someone that loves you so much (even when they get older and go through those teenage years of hating everyone, they still love you). Even when times were tough, you held on and didn’t give up. You did an amazing job and you still are. You were and are still there when they need you. We have hard times and we have good times. Smiles are shared. Laughing and giggling can be heard. Crying and tears are seen. Teddy bears need sewing and mend the smallest owies.

Happy Mother’s day Moms. You are loved. You are cherished. You are doing a fantastic job and don’t let anyone tell you less. You are fantastic, beautiful, loving, forgiving, brave, awesome and loved.

Sarcasm

Oh good lord is it hard to control the tongue sometimes. I tell you what, I’ll get into those phases where I want to crack off one sarcastic remark after another. Why? Because I’m a smart ass dressed in sarcasm, that’s why. I rather enjoy being silly like that and making people laugh. It’s what I’m really good at.

Browsing through items online that are for sale and stopping from posting, “How much for the shoe?” that’s laying on the floor underneath the bedframe. “How much do you want for the placemats?” that are behind the pillow that’s sitting up on the table. “How much do you want for the bottle of Shout?” that just so happens to be sitting on top of the dresser that’s in the reflection of the mirror they are trying to sell.

 

OMG!! They have black and silver ribbon for $3.00!!!!!

We’ve all had to stop ourselves from making that one goofy remark that you knew was going to piss someone off. That or we’ve had to stop ourselves from making a remark that would break up a serious moment. Those are sometimes the hardest for me because I like laughing and don’t like to be serious all that often. I mean yes if the time calls for it then I will be but only for as long as I have to.

I get the giggles as I scroll past a picture even know and want to make a smart ass remark about it and make someone laugh. I do comment on my friends posts with something goofy when I know they are upset about something. I like to lighten the mood and sort of distract them while telling them they are going to be okay. Everything is going to work out and to kill the person with a smile.

Sweet mother of all that is righteous! Where did you get that pink blanket?!

 

When someone doesn’t like you and wants you to suffer and be miserable, the best thing you can do to piss them off even more is smile and be happy. I found that out from a few friends as well as doing it myself. Someone tried to make me miserable and unhappy but yet I pushed on like nothing was wrong and kept laughing. They were even angrier than before.

My smile hides the pain, a majority of the anger, and sometimes the depression but that’s only because I don’t want the attention on myself. I want to make other people happy and laugh because it makes me feel a bit better. I’m silly. I’m goofy. I’m sarcastic. I’m a smart ass. I am definitely one of a kind, but aren’t we all?

Smile. It looks good on you.

Okay, I guess I’ll go back to flipping through pictures to entertain myself and hold back the silly questions and remarks. Enjoy!

Early? Are you crazy?!

Oh that sun climbs up above the horizon and there are times where I want to push it back down. I am totally not a morning person. I hate getting up early and by god beware if you should try and wake me. There are ways to wake me up without me being grumpy or angry as all get out but letting me wake up on my own is the best bet of course.

I use to get up early for work but when you’re in the military, you don’t really have a choice unless you want to get into trouble a lot. That wouldn’t be a very good thing with any job to be honest. Don’t get me wrong there are people out there that are early birds. At times I do want to get up early as long as I have motivation to do so.

If I have a reason to get up early in the morning I will bite my tongue and get up. On the other hand, it is beneficial to get up early. You can get more done in the day if you do. Not many people want to do that though which is understandable.

I would rather be up late at night. I can get more done at night and not be bothered. I do a bit during the day but I do better at night. That might be because I’ve got insomnia. I do have sleeping meds but I don’t take them. I mean if I need to rest then I will but I don’t. I like being up late.

When I worked third shift I loved it. I would go into work at 10pm and I would get out at 5am. After that I would go home and take a two hour nap and have my daughter on the bus to school. I would lay down again and be up at noon when she came home. I didn’t sleep much at all when I worked third shift, but then again that didn’t bother me.

I like being up late because it’s quiet and there isn’t a lot of interference with anything around. Plus some of my friends are up late as well. It’s nice to be able to chat with them without having to run around and make sure nothing is breaking or falling apart, in appointments, meetings, etc. I am able to give my time to my friends without interruption.

So I’m definitely a night owl to say the least. How are you with mornings? Are you a morning person? Are you an early bird? Or are you a night owl?

To the Batcave!

“Because I’m Batman.” Running around wearing a Batman t-shirt complete with Batman briefs and matching socks with a black cape while playing the Batman theme and laughing hysterically. What part of that sounds like a bad time? I mean seriously, being able to laugh, enjoy yourself and have fun isn’t horrible at all. Yeah other people may think your crazy but then again, people think something they do is crazy.

I rather enjoy being myself and coming up with all sorts of different goofy scenarios that I would have fun with. I still giggle when I walk up to a friend and say, “I flashed you.” while wearing The Flash t-shirt. I’ve even done that with my briefs and socks before. I find it quite comical. I also loved when I went to go file for Child Support and I was wearing my Darth Vader t-shirt that read, “Who’s your Daddy?”

I should be able to say and do what I enjoy without being criticized  lectured, demeaned, scolded, etc. I’m not trying to push my random and silly behaviors on you or anyone else. I’m not trying to think like I do nor have the same goofy responses or statements. I’m saying let me be me. Don’t try and change me into what you want. If you want to change me into what you want and need, go get someone else.

I am almost 30 years old and at times I still laugh and giggle at things like an 8 year old would. Why? We all are a little immature on the inside. You can’t sit there and tell me I’m not right either. Even that strict, up tight person you know laughs and giggles at things you wouldn’t think of. Not in front of you of course.

Star Wars, Marvel Comics, DC Comics, I love ’em all. I totally want to dress up as some of the characters and be goofy as all get out with my friends. Why? Cause it’d be awesome! Iron Man, Thor, Dark Phoenix, X23, Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, The Flash, Green Lantern, Captain America, Darth Vader, Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia, etc. I could totally dress up and run around all goofy like. Why? Because I like making people smile.

Wearing the goofy t-shirts that normally guys would wear always gets a laugh. How many chicks do you see walking around in a “Why beer is better than a woman” t-shirt? Yes we are all different and no two of us are alike, not even identical twins. Shocker I know!!! Anyway, we are all different and we all have different tastes, some out there and then there are those that you think are down right insane. Not to them it isn’t.

I would say I love being different and it’s nice to get away from being normal, but we are all different and what is normal? Nothing is normal. You can’t sit there and say you love everything about someone because there are going to be some things that you don’t like or can’t stand about them. Being different from the person next to you or in the other room is what’s fun. You find out about each other and when you can relate on something, things take off.

Take off. I should totally go get in my Batgirl outfit and go run around. Ride around in the Batmobile, watch the Batman movies, design and make a Batman cape, and all sorts of other things. However this time, should I go to the Batcave, I’d better have some rope with me. Something might go down in there. You can’t be to prepared. Expect the unexpected they say. I just think you have to watch out for Batman. He can be pretty sneaky.

To the Batcave!!

 

My own tragedy

Sit back for a moment and reflect on your previous relationships. Just for a second. Okay, how many relationships have you been in? A few, okay, do you know why they didn’t work? Possibly because of constant arguments about things such as money, cheating, etc. It could have been due to cheating itself. We have a multitude of reasons for ending a relationship. What is the most common reason though?

The most common reason for ending a relationship is abuse. Did you consider that a possibility for the relationship ending? Many of us don’t think it is just that but take a look at it. Constant fights resulting in name calling and insults, that’s mental and emotional abuse. Getting into a physical fight, well obviously that’s physical abuse. I don’t mean wrestling around either. Did you consider physical, mental and emotional abuse?

For many of us women we don’t feel like we deserve better. We are convinced that we can’t get better. We are torn down to nothing it seems. Worthless, ugly, undesirable, a waste of space, and many other things are pounded into our heads. Do you know why that sinks in so deeply? Because we move with our emotions, our hearts, our desire to be needed. Women are likely to move with their heart while a man moves with his mind.

By no means am I saying that all women are like that. I don’t mean that women are the only ones abused because men are too. It is more common to hear of a woman being abused though. How many men have you heard of being in an abusive relationship? How many women have you heard of that are in an abusive relationship? In my own opinion I believe that women are easier to manipulate and abuse emotionally and mentally. Being abused physically is somewhat easier as well because we are the weaker sex. Men are generally stronger than women and can over power them easily.

How often are we told that someone is lying to us and deceiving us? What follows that statement and small conversation? How about the conversation about how you should stay away from those types of people and you’re told that they won’t hurt you? You’re told that someone close to you is hurting so you are convinced to turn away from them and instead turn towards the one that is telling you to leave the other.

Manipulation is easy when you know the other person is weak and vulnerable. You know, like you’re being preyed upon like an injured animal. They tell you in a sense what you want to hear. They play along with the situation and sway you to their side. Like the comical example of, “Join the Dark Side. We have cookies.” I believe that is a type of manipulation that is heavily used by those that are abusive.

While you’re with them they push you away and then they pull you back. They fight with you and then turn around and love on you. They ignore you after a fight and leave you in tears begging and pleading for them to come back. You’re told that you don’t know enough to be out on your own. You haven’t “matured” enough to be out in the “real world.” There are more life lessons you haven’t learned so you should stay instead of leaving.

By god they brainwash you and convince you that you can’t stand on your own two feet and you need to lean on them like a crutch. You need to depend on them in some way shape or form. Almost like being treated like a child who doesn’t know what they are doing. Brainwash them into needing them and convincing them that you need them. Is it wrong to do such a thing? Oh yes it is. I think it’s quite low of someone to do such a thing.

I’ve been in all three types of abusive relationships. Physical, emotional, mental abuse that is. Convinced and brainwashed into believing things that weren’t true. Being told one thing to my face and all the while there are lies being spread behind my back. You’re being told not to trust a certain kind of person and yet they are stabbing you in the back and you don’t even know it. You don’t realize the lies and the deception that was going on behind your back until you’re out of the situation and you can look back.

I sit here looking back and see the lies appear before my eyes and it hurts so deeply. Being told that you’re loved and you can trust someone that isn’t going to hurt you is something we all want to hear. Finding out they were exactly what you were told to stay away from. Those closest to you hurt you the most at times.

This is why I have trust issues. I’ve been through hell and back. It seems like it’s a never ending cycle. Well after this last bout of deception and manipulation, I refuse to be treated that way again. I deserve better than that. If you have to lie and deceive me, manipulate me and not accept me for the way I am, I don’t need you. I deserve to be accepted for who I am and not tried to be changed so I’m what you want me to be.

No man or woman should have to change to be accepted. They don’t deserve to be told they are worthless. They don’t deserve to be insulted. They don’t deserve to be abused in any way shape or form. You are loved. You are special. You deserve better. You deserve to be accepted for who YOU are. You deserve the world and more.